Based on your answers, you might often find yourself self-protecting by people-pleasing, also known as fawning
Read on for more about how this Inner Protector shows up for you — and what you can do to begin moving from self-protection to self-leadership!
Th People-Pleaser Inner Protector can show up in a range of experiences such as:
Feeling compelled to agree and go along with others, even when it goes against what you actually want
Struggling to know what your true desires are
Changing your prices to fit in with others
Chronic scope-creep on projects
Difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries
Trouble saying no to clients
Don't want to let team know you're unhappy
Devastated if someone doesn't approve of you
Feeling resentful and exhausted from meeting the needs of others
A deep fear of rejection and so you water down your messaging, marketing and sales
Fear of being authentically seen or speaking out
Where do our Inner Protectors come from?
#1 The most important thing to understand is: THE BATTLE OF OUR PARTS
We’ve all experienced this. A part of us is so ready to step toward the things we desire and we may even feel excited about it.
But when we go and step toward the thing, we find ourselves overwhelmed, confused, anxious, shut down and stuck.
#2 Why is this happening?
The battle we experience is a result of our protective parts not knowing we are safe to have the things we deeply desire.
It certainly doesn’t feel good to have our Inner Protectors be in charge, but it’s not happening because there’s something wrong with you.
It’s simply your system trying to protect you.
If you’re thinking, “I’m safe! So what is my inner people-pleaser trying to protect me from?”
That’s because even though we may be safe now, there may have been situations in the past where we risked losing love, belonging or safety if we were to:
Take up space
Be Seen
Receive
Use our voice
Be close to people
Assert our needs
Ask for help etc
Our self-protective circuit cares about us so much that they’re constantly scanning the environment looking for cues of safety or danger — and they look to information from the past to help them decide what’s ok or not.
There are no bad parts
Like all Inner Protectors, ‘The People-Pleaser’ has positive intent
People-pleasing is a coping mechanism that is trying to protect us from feeling badly.
In their milder manifestation, parts that avoid conflict can serve our core needs of acceptance and belonging.
People-pleasing belongs to the part of us who took on the burden of certain core beliefs about ourselves in response to what happened in our families, at school or in societal systems of oppression.
If you struggle with a pattern of people-pleasing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you always act compliant. It simply means that a part of you gets activated in certain situations and urges you toward compliance to keep you safe.
In order for us to come out of Self-Protection and into Self-Leadership we have to show, not simply tell, our protective parts we are safe.
We do that by taking tolerable steps towards befriending our self-protective system.
Below you’ll be able to download a free worksheet with some ideas for how to build a relationship with the People-Pleaser Inner Protector.
Plus, keep an eye on your email, because I’ll be sending more tools in the coming days to support you.
GET YOUR FREE PERSONALISED PEOPLE-PLEASER WORKSHEET
I know how it feels to have one foot on the accelerator and one on the brake…
I'm Tamsin, somatic coach, writer and space holder for talented CEOs, creatives, healers and small business owners who struggle to understand why they do the things they do.
I know the inner battle of longing to step into a bigger life and yet feeling like there was an invisible part of me pulling me back, very well.
It was only when I discovered somatic healing, parts work and nervous system regulation that my experience began to change.
In my 5+ years practice as a space holder and somatic coach, I’ve found that many of my clients also struggle with this battle when building their businesses.
I decided it was time to focus on these issues and so created this quiz to help others step courageously towards their goals and desires.
Step into Self-Leadership
Check out these helpful resources to help you befriend your Inner Protector and move more gracefully towards the life and business you desire.
1. Follow me on Instagram. From helpful tips to Q&A Lives around leadership and business with a common thread of embodiment, @TamsinCrimmens is an interactive resource to find compassionate help as you step more fully into your role as a self-aware and embodied leader.
2. Subscribe to Body Story, my Substack newsletter for recovering people-pleasers who want to become full-bodied receivers.
3. Want guidance on how to rewrite your patterns and build awareness? Book a free consultation with me. We’ll not only assess your own self-protective habits, we’ll find a better way forward together.
This quiz and associated material is intended to educate, inspire, and support you. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.